As I write this, Pudding has been with us for 6 weeks but it feels like he has been with us ever since he was born.
Both Darran and I have dreamt of becoming dads for a long time. Before meeting Darran I had come to terms that I may never become a dad. I was okay with this. I have two beautiful nephews who I have a brilliant relationship with. Who I could spoil and teach them naughty words, feed them crap and hand them back.
I knew becoming a dad would be hard work. The constant ‘on the go’, the constant ‘not just thinking about myself’ the constant everything that comes with being a parent. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Having my own son greet me when I come in from work; the big smile, the laughter, the kisses and cuddles and having my special routine that Darran doesn’t have.
We have our own time when I get home, the bath and bed routine is our time to bond and to get to know each other and we have a blast.
It’s hard!! Pudding is two and doesn’t have many words in his vocabulary apart from ‘Helloooo’, ‘Long (on), ‘Yes’, ‘Love you’, Ready steady go’. However, there are some Pudding ‘words’ that we are getting to understand now. He has come on a long way since being with us and we are both over the moon.
Don’t get me wrong, Pudding didn’t know the word ‘no’. When he was with his birth family Pudding was severely neglected and was left in a baby bouncer for hours on end.
Not having his hearing aids in (which were also not right for him) and positioned at the TV or wall.
The foster carer had more important issues to deal with than to discipline so this was left for me and Darran to start. I’m fine with this as Pudding is a completely different boy now to when he came into care. We are forever in debt to his foster carer for giving our son the best start at his new life.
Darran learning Makaton has been a great help and Pudding loves learning these. He understands ‘no’, ‘naughty’, ‘strawberry’, hot’. These hand gestures are defiantly helping reinforcing boundaries and discipline. When he came to us he would hit out, throw himself backwards and occasionally head-butt. We would stand him in front of us and hold his arms down but the side of him (as he would generally slap us across the face).
At first, he wasn’t having any of it but as time has gone by, he’s starting to understand to stand there and listen to us. We explain to him what he was doing is not very nice and that what he was doing is upsetting us (using hand gestures) and he has to say sorry. We would then finish with a kiss.
We have never spoken about shit so freely and so often. I have an unnatural amount of poo pics on my phone. I would WhatsApp my sister asking if the colour/size was normal for a two-year-old – she loves it!
While we were going through the process of adopting Pudding, social services were banging on about other issues that Pudding had and didn’t really focus on the ‘constipation’.
Everything they said that would be an issue that he would need extra help with hasn’t come about. The only thing that has been an issue and a fucking big one at that is SHITTING!!!!!!
While we were going through the transition week, Pudding would go to his corner and start ‘straining’ every 5 minutes. The foster carer mentioned that the year he’s been with her he’s had probably 3 maybe 4 ‘normal’ poos. Since being with us he’s had so many I’ve lost count. This isn’t a reflection on the FC as like I’ve said before, she’s changed this little boy’s life.
However, it’s still a massive struggle for Pudding to go. We don’t believe he is constipated as it looks like he is trying to hold the poo in and not straining. Anyway, we’ve just had 4 days of shit, shit and more shit but we’re back to day 2 of none! We’ll get there.